Changes

Heading into my fifties, it's time to re-evaluate.

Long post ahead: TL; DR - My writing career is slowing down, and I need to be okay with that, if I want the writing career to continue.

I’ve had to do a lot of re-evaluating of my “writing career” the last two years. Grad school has played a big part: my focus is really on there and teaching, right now, not writing. Which kills me on a fundamental level, of course. When I get a chance to write in the morning, I love the day, I love teaching, and I feel peaceful. When I don’t get a chance to write in the morning, it throws me off. The bad part: the morning writing sessions have been few and far in between lately, which leaves me feeling “off” more often than not. I have one semester left - three classes in the spring - and I wonder if I can do it, but as my job depends on it, I HAVE to do it.

Also, that was a real kick in the kidneys yesterday, the realization that I’ve been at this writing thing for 18 years. Did I ever get the “big break” I was hoping for? Nope. But as time passes and that “big break” seems ever more elusive and unlikely, I’m becoming more and more okay with that. I’ve been very blessed to work with some amazing people, (Joe Mynhardt at Crystal Lake Publishing only being one of them) and I’ve met people who have left their indelible mark on my life, in so many good ways. And I can still have a pretty fruitful “career” of sorts if I make peace with my station in life as a writer. I’ve got many more years left, but they need to be spent differently.

Also, more and more, I’ve been thinking of ways to give back to the horror community at large. Maybe the writing is slowing down, but I really don’t want to disappear. I want to contribute to the horror community as long as I can.

But some changes are needed. Right now with grad school and teaching, traveling out of state to overnight conventions - heck, even conventions two hours away - is exhuasting. I make more money at the local conventions in which I don’t have travel expenses. I’ve done my time at bigger Cons, traveling, hauling my books with me, spending the night in hotel rooms I really can’t afford, and getting home Sunday wiped out, with school looming Monday. And if I make more money and hand-sell more books at the local cons, it doesn’t make much sense for me to be traveling a lot in our current circumstances.

StokerCon is different, however. I really fell in love with it this year. I’d honestly rather save my money and only travel to StokerCon every year, because they’re rapidly becoming my extended family. Spending FOUR days at StokerCon is more rejuvenating and enjoyable than spending a whole weekend on the road, selling books.

This is life in the fifties, I guess. But I need to embrace it and make peace with it, so I can continue to create.

Thank you to everyone who has read my work, and supported me over the years. Hopefully there’s still more to come.